New Year Resolution

Resolutions suck. Waste of time.

But just perhaps in this case, we better have one.

When push comes to shove, u better know when to exit. When to know it’s futile and just plain killer dragginess at work. Never ending mess, waiting and others taking for granted in more things.

U think it’s gonna end in 2010, think again… Wishing yes, hoping big time, but realli… u be dreaming if u can see an end in sight.

Signs to him are not pressing. Parents even bigger obstacle. Another yr dragged is just another yr to pple, anyway they have company and everything’s status quo. No one gets seriously hurt, super inconvenienced, or in great pain. But not everyone can stay in the waiting game. Will need determination, guts and black & white logic. These are key.

For now, things just feel different already. Maybe it’s fading. And one sidedness just ain’t working. Who the hell likes sucking up to the pedestal person? Clear cases, unclear ones, and small ones that require efforts and time to shift back to normality. Bit by bit. Day by day.

Accumulated pedestal feeling. Sometimes u can’t help but understand why history transpires as it did. Why pple did their actions. How they felt, alienated and fitting into that cage. And actions they do, are to vindicate that imprisonment. That constraint and enforced rigidity. What irony.

It’s not like we have no grief, no stress, no need to work, no worries and no own lifespan. Up til a pt, we better know when to pull the plug. Else it just seems like the road to infinity, and not eternity….

There are many ‘I don’t like this and that’. Rigidity. No closeness, no intimacy, no socially recognized stuffs, no status, no special occasions, no dates, no many small things, etc. What’s left u say?

Well, some dinner here n there. Lame, getting-stagnant talks. Careful not to step on landmine. Trigger any episodes whereby guess who gets the brunt of it again? And I mean both ways. Scolding and hard work towards normality.

It’s so gd to see things are bonus, pple as lower pedestal and chill. Just enjoy suck-up, be urself so much, drag, assume it’s that easy for other person.

I think it’s my bad. I have ingrained the feeling of always there, no life, love more, apologize, give in and similar. No prizes for guessing who feels for who more.

Well, it’s def 2010 already. With zero end in sight.

No where even 1% nearer to end pt. And things just getting worse. Time getting miniscule. It beggars belief how many others will stay and act as I am, like a moron. Getting stepped on… and already bruised and battered.

Who knows what the future holds. We only know we had better know the break pt, else who can we blame other than our own useless weakness?

I hate cold swimming pools…